There is no better teacher than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance next time.
Malcolm X
I’ve been fighting with myself for almost 2 years over the definition of discipline and how it related to me. Officially, discipline is defined as the practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behavior, using punishment to correct disobedience. Of course, reading that I immediately feel like discipline is not something for me. First off, who’s rules and what made their rules the best rules or code to follow? And even if I got with the rules, there was no way I wanted to agree to punishment as the consequence of failure. This definition had me running from discipline telling myself I was doing it for freedom and liberation and that my discipline allowed for joy and pleasure as promotional tools and not punishment.
All that sounded well and good until I realized that I wasn’t accomplishing the goals I had set for myself in the way that I wanted to. It wasn’t fun to succeed or progress because I would try to be so carefree I had no structure, no accountability, and no real follow thru. I recognized that all my life punishment had been my biggest motivator. If I knew doing something or not doing something would end in a whooping I made the best decision for my behind. This prevented me from procrastinating and half assing things I knew someone else would have their eyes on.
What I realized only recently is that I need discipline and structure to do my best work. My definition of discipline is showing up despite. Despite the heartache, headache, stomachache, attitude, and body ache I am showing up for myself. Now, this might mean laying my ass down, taking some medicine, and rescheduling some meetings. Discipline does not mean punishing yourself for not showing up. Discipline is about believing in yourself enough to do the little things that are going to get you to that big goal. Trusting the process enough to trust that whatever you can give is enough as long as you get up and give it. There is still room for joy and pleasure in showing up. I think our downfall comes when we fall into this single definition of discipline rooted in punishment. The structure is not punishment. Deadlines are not punishment. Accountability is not punishment. We can create a plan and stick with it without beating ourselves up for not sticking with it.
We must cease being participants in our own oppression.
Stacey Abrams
What I had to learn was trust. I had to trust myself, trust my plan, trust my path, and trust the universe to work with me to ensure all these things aligned. The punishment I experienced, which prevented me from showing up, was the negative self-talk for not showing up. I was beating myself up for being tired, burnt out and overworked and not still being creative despite. That is not discipline, that is torture. Discipline is being able to assess what you can actually do and do that, not draining yourself even more to accomplish your goals. So many times we’ve heard the saying ‘it’s about the journey’ or ‘make sure you enjoy the journey’ and yet we still beat ourselves up on the way to success. My discipline must allow me to be healthy as I show up. My discipline makes room for joy and pleasure and celebration even if I only make small moves. The idea is to get there ten toes down with a smile. If that’s not the vibe then I may have been my own worst enemy on the path to my purpose, which will only slow me down.
I say all this to say you have to figure out what discipline looks like for you. So often we are forced to connect punishment and pain with success and I don’t think that always has to be the reality. Yes, some days are going to suck, but the act of showing up doesn’t have to. We got this, one step at a time. It’s so much easier to show up when you’re clear on what’s worth showing up for in your eyes. Let me know below what you feel discipline means to you and what inspired you to do it.
Thank you so much for joining me on this journey. Love y’all deep.
B✊🏾💚🖤❤